Breathe

Today is a very hard post but I feel I need to make it.

My mother passed away Sunday afternoon peacefully. Watching her struggle to breathe over the last few days broke my heart. Watching her grow weaker and weaker tore my heart out. My mom had a long life and deserved so much more than what her life handed her. Making her smile or laugh during her final days filled me with her love. Our last conversation was a very happy conversation about me getting my girls to come see her. She smiled, laughed and gave a thumbs up. My mom was a very special lady and over the last few days I realized even more how special she was. If I could have had five more minutes I would have called my hubby and had him bring the girls down on Saturday. If I had had five more minutes I would have rubbed more lotion on her hands telling her about the girls and how much Natalie is like me and she is giving me more grief than I ever gave her as a child. I would have done my mom's hair again in a pebbles ponytail that made her laugh the first night I helped the nurse give her a bath. I would have read another psalm to her or just sat and held her hand five more minutes. I would have showed her more pictures on my computer of the girls. I would have helped her sip more water from a straw or syringe defying the nurses orders each time. I would have just loved to have sat next to her in bed as she was sleeping, holding her hand.

What I wouldn't give to have just five more minutes of her time.

My mom was an extrodinary woman and in the words of my oldest daughter -

"Grammy was a wonderful person mom who deserves to be celebrated and we need to Praise God that she is resting with him now."

I am not sure that I am going to get through this week or not. I am really struggling hourly. I am praying that I can celebrate my mom's life and give her the dignity that she deserved!!!!

Time out

Not that my life hasn't been filled with many different activities from work to school to home life stuff - keeping me insanely busy - but currently I find myself derailed in Florida. I am spending some quality time with my mom and do not have any time to blog. I wanted to acknowledge all the wonderful emails, text messages and phone calls from my dear friends and collegues. Some of you have heard my frustrations over the legalities of DNR in Florida and have let me vent through blubbers of angry tears. Others of you have called me almost daily to check on me. Some of you have recieved my ranting text messages and returned with a bit of humor to break the stress. I appreciate each and everyone of you and Thank God that you have been there for me and my family. I have been rapped up in my own drama that I forget to thank you guys and sitting here in the wee hours of the night in a WIRELESS Hospital room has given me the opportunity to realize how BLESSED I am to have you all in my lives.

Thank You Thank You Thank You!!!!!!

Well it happened......

It eventually had to happen right? My girls would eventually have to grow up enough to get on a train and travel to Michigan to visit Grammy and Grampy for a whole two weeks - by themselves - with Grammy. Right?

I know that it's the natural process of growing up and signs of more "get aways" without mom and dad - but it's still hard.

I got up at the wee hour of 0600 (for me that is EARLY) and carted their small suitcase of clothes, LARGE suitcase filled with American Girl Dolls, Build a Bear clothes (see their build a bears were in their arms) and American Girl doll clothes, a back pack of food and my weary hubby to Union station downtown.

I knew today was coming and I was suppose to be on the train with them - which I am not sure would have made it any easier - but it came suddenly FAST this AM. My hubby is on the train with them as I type - and I am sure they are having a GREAT time......

What does a mom do at this point? Go running.....

Yup - I went running. It felt good... I plan, with God's help, to run everyday they are gone - and hopefully be in the habit by the time they get back and I have to be more scheduled about my wherabouts.

What does one do AFTER running - why sit at the computer, eat a Krispy Kreme donut and knit while Blogger takes it's time posting! Okay - Krispy Kreme was a morning special at the train station - I couldn't pass it up. It's my comfort food for the day!

One bright star this week - my hubby and I are actually going to SCRAP NIGHT TOGETHER!!!!! Yup! With the girls away - we can BOTH go!!!!!!!

Alright - gotta run.......


I need to run off and take a shower so that I might look presentable at work.

What have I been up to?

Oiy.....

What have I been up to. God has blessed me with such a fruitful life here in Chicago. I have met and developed freindships that have been fun and meaningful. Because of commuting constraints and distance issues - friendships were limited and thin in Michigan.

I have been busy.

I have posted on this blog my many travels within Chicago AND here!

To see my weekend in review go here!

I am off now to work on some school stuff and a work stuff.

Oh - yeah - I am in denial..... as I sit here watching Closer (LOVE that show - THANK YOU!) I am also packing the girls up to head off to Michigan for two weeks to visit Grammy and Grampy! They are excited - Natalie is a lil nervous about being away from me - (as I am too! HELLO!) and Rowan is in la la land..... (I would be happy to sit her thinking she was in denial as well.) However, as I sit here trying to concentrate I realize that the "auditory" stimuli will be much less and I am thinking - that could be a bit of heaven...... for a day maybe.....

Okay back to my STUFF!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATALIE!!!!!

Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!!!!!



Today my baby turns NINE........

Aggggggggh

It's hard to believe that nine (and oh my gosh I sound like my mother) years ago at this hour my baby girl was born (after 26 hours of labor thank you very much!)

Wednesday her and I are doing the American Girl Doll day!!!!

Look for pictures!

Take a Look

Check it out!

My hubby has a new post with cool information about my LSS!

Try to stay cool everyone....

You know it is bad when Chicago pulls CTA buses to tour the city with passengers in AIR!
(where can I pick up this bus?)