It is over......

Which much sadness - the conference is OVER!

Some hightlights in pictures that Nat (yes Nat) took.





The Confident Woman - we became!!!!

John Maxwell TURNED Natalie on during the conference. After he was done with his teaching - Natalie was ON FIRE. She had a passion I had not seen ever. Joyce continued the spark that night - but Saturday - LISA Bevere really had Nat's attention. I haven't stopped hearing about her teachings yet. Then Joyce closed and Natalie was bouncing all over the place. She is still up at this time non-stop talking about the teachings this weekend!





Our friend Michele that we met up with at the conference! She is from Ohio and we had a BLAST! IT was only by a Godcidence that we met at an Indianapolis Conference with Hillsong! Next year she is bringing her mom as Natalie and I come back with a few freinds!!!!!












Now - this isn't the greatest picture in the world (okay it pretty much sucks....) but it shows you a glimpse of something that will some become.......












that turned into this.....










that quickly turned into this......













which started as this..... during the last praise and worship!




that turned into this (while we were praising and worshiping... Actually Natalie - by herself - and Michelle - went up to the stage area to Praise and Worship with Hillsong! She really REALLY blossomed this weekend. So I took these pictures!)






So - everyone was singing - "ONE WAY JESUS - you're the only one that I can live for..... ONE WAY - Jesus - you're the only one that I can live for..... you are the way the truth and the light, we live by faith and not by faith for you...... living only for you....."




Here are Michele and I!!!!!!















Here is my baby girl..... praising a worshiping during the service. Natalie - by Saturday - became very UNINHIBITED and was prasing and dancing as David did. This conference was a GOOD thing for her!




This was a GREAT and Most AWESOME weekend away with Natalie! It was the first of a yearly event and looking forward to many more to come. Ro is home with daddy and I am sure SURE that he has had a great weekend with her as she has with him.

I am going to turn in for the night - after having a wonderful evening with Natalie. I am sad that the weekend has come to an end.... but what a wonderful growing experience for the both of us and a wonderful bonding time!

Praise God!

Faith is a confidence!!!!

Natalie and I are in St Louis for a much needed MOMMY DAUGHTER weekend and what a better place than HERE to spend it! Yup - we are at her first and my fourth Women's Conference!!!!! We are having a blast. We took the train down and what a plesant six hours it was. Seriously - we got up and went to the cafe car to walk around at one point, we both feel asleep snuggled next to each other and we read, knitted and talked - you know GIRL talk - the rest of the way.

After arriving we got our bearings, checked in, laid low and then took off for an awesome night of Praise and Worship and then a teaching by JOYCE on CONFIDENCE!!!!!

It was a teaching WE BOTH needed to hear and Natalie, I think, got alot out of!

I met up with a friend from the Inianapolis conference that we went to last year - Michelle. I also ran into a few other friends that was most suredly a godcidence - cause I really didn't want to be at the conference tonight. I am honest. As much as I was excited about going I was TRIED, achey and TIRED. I was thinking I wasn't going causee we were BOTH tired and what's the FIRST night. WELL EVERYTHING!!!!! DUH! So I persevered and took a step out of the boat and went and God did not disappoint - does he ever? To top it off with whip cream were my FRIENDS that I ran into and recieved (and gave) hugs too! My achiness and exhaustion had vanished!!

If you go HERE you can see a synopsis of the teachings and my notes and mediations - aka - what it meant to me.

Now interested in a "blog war" of sorts - go here! Seriously - My Pastor (an awesome teacher of the word and so sold out for Christ) was a guest blogger on another person's blog and has generated quite the academic discussion on Life! I seriously urge you to go there!

So - I am off to bed - early to rise in the AM to get to the conferencat by 0720!!!! Natalie is already in dream land..... aw to be young again!!!!!!

The Perfect Woman

So here I am at work...... and I check my email.

Sitting in my in box from my Mother-in-law (very dear lady) is an email with this link.

You have to go here - it is so worth it and funny. True to boot almost..... depends on which gender angle you are coming from I guess......

Have a great day everyone!

Okay - TODAY I will try to scrapbook a little.

I am making a mini memory album of my mom. I have to have my DH scan some old pictures so that I can print them out. I went to target to get lunch stuff for the girls that I couldn't get through PeaPod. I am all about the organic and Target has alot of organic food cheap.

But let me tell you - I think EVERYONE within a 50 mi radius of Target was actually in Target today. It was a bit frightful to say the least. Not to mention that a trip to Target always ALWAYS means a huge chunk out of my budget even when I am frugal. Plus - I went hungry - BIG mistake!!!!!!!

Maybe I'll pull out the ole knitting later as I sit down with the fam for evening time.

I was so excited last night when I came across this.... A co-worker and friend of mine is in Uganda working and has a blog! I am so excited that I can keep watch of her stories while there. Please keep her in your prayers!

Natalie and I started the countdown today
-
TEN days til
THIS!!!!

I hear that registration is still open.......

Slap upside the head!

Every once in a while God uses life's events to slap us upside the head and pull us in closer. Now - don't get me wrong - I am not NOT not saying that God is using my mother's death to pull me closer or slap me upside the head. I think it is only our human nature to look at our own mortalitiy when someone close to us dies - and as a mom and wife - my mother's death struck me in ways I am still coming to grips with (and I am sure it will continue to do this for months in the future). For example - I had a major panic attach lastnight (or like 0300 this morning when I got home from work) that at any moment God may call me home and my girls would be alone (as well as my DH). I felt this profound loss for my girls and was literally sitting up in bed hyperventilating. I remember crying out to God in prayer for comfort and peace - and just as I was starting to drift off to sleep Rowan came and climbed in bed with me. Such comfort!!!!

After I returned home to Chicago - not being able to do much of anything - I started (again for like the FIFTH time) a study of the Psalms. Psalms is a beautiful chapter in the bible that is full of praise, prayers, laments and songs. A perfect study for me right now. I wish I could say I am doing it on my own but I am using THIS as a guide. About four days into the study I thought - "hmmmmm my dad might like this or find it very comforting." I then preceded to print off the studies with little notes on them and I am sending one a day to him. Each letter is prayed over that my dad might find comfort, wisdom, or more of God in them.

I myself - am drawing close to God - like I haven't in a while. Many of you that know me know that I am a CONTROL freak. If I am not in control then I FREAK. However, there is a growing part in me that is longing, craving, crying out to NOT be in control. I don't want to lead, I don't want to be the strong one, I don't want to be the one that is ALWAYS making the decisions. I want to follow for once (or twice, or three times.....) The last three weeks - while I haven't truly appreciated it - I have been falling more and more on God. At first it was for discernment. It then grew to Grace and Mercy. Then it grew to comfort. Now I find I am falling on him to get me through the day. While other aspects of my life are still under my anal and scrutinous control - MY LIFE is completely in God's hands right now. It is very unsettling but - at the same time - a HUGE relief.

So - do I think that my mom's death was a way for God to slap me upside the head and pull me in...... no. I think that God uses ALL things for the greater good of his plan. My mom died. She is no longer in pain, she can breathe freely, hear the most muted tones, her heart is full of life and she is running through a wide open field smiling, laughing and at PEACE. While I am full of sorrow, laments, anger (I am stuck in the anger mode of grief now) and other emotions I am not sure of - I know that good will come from this. It's in God's hands and already apart of his plan.

The new testament rading I chose for her service was so fitting and hard for me to read that day..... I now realize why.....

The New Jerusalem
1 Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 2 I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. 4 He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

5 He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

6 He said to me: "It is done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. To him who is thirsty I will give to drink without cost from the spring of the water of life. 7 He who overcomes will inherit all this, and I will be his God and he will be my son.

With all of that said I wanted to thank EVERYONE for their prayers, thoughts and notes. Each one gave me comfort and cyber hugs!

THANK YOU BonnieRosefor the lovely parcel that showed up on my doorstep yesterday as I was heading out to work. It was so sweet and made my day!!!!! (my camera's batteries are recharging as I type! AND YES you are invited!!!! Please still come to visit!!!

THANK YOU to my Pastor and his wife for all the support and prayers these past few weeks.

THANK YOU Lorinda for your prayers and your invite for a GIRLS afternoon! I am getting my planner out now!!!

THANK YOU

Now - with my first day alone and off from work - I am trying to get the energy or inspiration to scrapbook or knit.

It is a cool, breezy (when is the WIND NOT BLOWING in Chicago) overcast day out and perfect for curling up and reading....

I think I am just going to VEG. What a concept.... Veg!

Broken shell

First I would like to thank EVERYONE who posted on my blog their prayers, condolances and thoughts!!!! They have gratefully been recieved by both myself and my family.

While the passing of my mother meant that God restored her failed hearing, failing heart, lungs and kidneys and finally gave her peace - the void is very hard to replace. I was trying to figure out how I felt in the last twenty four hours when I finally had a chance to RELAX..... BREATHE and grieve. Planning a funneral leaves one little time to actually grieve. Even while at the funneral home for visitation it is as you almost HAVE to be on and social. I am NOT a social person. I am an introvert and really don't care much for small talk. So - as you can imagine - the visitation and funneral were personally hard for me. Laying my mother to rest was hard enough - trying to remember people from years ago, make small talk to people I really either don't know or never knew was difficult at best and finding a small down time of grieving room was not possible. Most of the week and on into the weekend I felt like an egg that was carelessly snatched from the carton, jostled and dropped on the floor. The egg shell (my facade) cracked and shattered, the insides spewed out on the floor in a congealed mass of yellow mixing with amber clear ooze (my heart and soul). Eventually someone will take the time to wipe up the mess with a hard abrasive papertowel (the closure that the funneral processional at the church was suppose to provide) - but until that time it continues to ooze across the floor mixing colors and making things even messier.

Someone attempts to place the egg shell back together with watery glue, delicate tools and a mold representing the egg from before the fall - but it shoes the cracks and missing pieces never found after the fall. Beyond the fact that the egg is now shattered and never the same - it's hollow inside.

I know many people say take it one day at a time, one breath at a time, one task at a time. I said those very same words to my dad this morning. But in reality - the thought of any of these motions makes me paralized with fear that I can not go on. As it is now I find myself starting several things - finishing none (that includes unpacking.) I need time to grieve and I need time to rest. Neither will come soon and I plog along.... Today I ushered my girls off to their first day of school and attempted to catch up on my own school work. I think I read paragraphs ten times in a row and still didn't comprehend them. I think that I attempted to finish my unpacking five times - finally - moments before sitting down to journal - finishing the task. I think that I attempted to take a shower three times today and finally - not wanting to look at my pathetic appearance in the mirror anymore - turned on the water and hopped in. I think - I want to knit - but sit with the needles in my lap and stare - my mind blank. I think I want to scrapbook (and I do - want to make mini album of my mom) but only suceed at sitting at my table staring at the cardstock. I think that I want to read (not my school book) and only suceed at looking at the wall holding the book. I think that I want to sleep - but I am trapped by insomnia.

My girls sat a the table this afternoon and made grampy cards inviting him up to visit - and I wanted to cry - but couldn't.

I have cards from co-workers and professional friends - openned but not read. I have thank you cards I have to fill out and send - but I can't seem to come up with the words. I have a bible study of psalms to continue - but find no comfort.

I am truly stuck on the side of the road of grief. I know that I am stuck in the Anger mode and seem to have settled there from day one. I know that things will get better and I know that I need to keep plogging along. It is truly difficult and have a new respect for anyone going through the same process.

Thank you again for all your prayers, thoughts and emails. They are VERY appreciated by myself and my family!

Be Blessed!

The First Day of School and then some!

Well - today came early and quite the moment for us all........

Rowan's FIRST day of school and Natalie's first day of third grade with the "HOT" teacher. Of course I will be making this a mini album..... but for now.....


Rowan was OH SO READY AT THE BRIGHT and EARLY hour of 0500 in my room asking me if it was time.... she was the first ready this morning. I wonder if this will last!!!!


A view from our front door...... They look (key word - LOOK) like angels don't they????


The great anticipation that Rowan had was filled with energy from her big sister's own excitement for her.



Off to school they WALK!!!!!


Rowan tucked away at school....... big sigh....... the baby girl has left the nest!!!!!!!