ups and downs.....
The weather has been unbelievably AWESOME and delicious the past few days. Walking to work has been amazingly pleasant and uplifting. The sun is shining, the wind is breezy (but not obnoxious) and the sky very clear. I am not one for sun, wind, or alot of outside activities in the DEAD HEAT of summer. However, living in Chicago has totally changed my attitude. Who would have thought moving to the "Concrete Jungle" as Grandma has put it (upon hearing of our relocation to the "Windy City" grammy turned a pasty ashen color and was completely convinced I had moved her grand children to the 'concrete jungle'.....) my perspective on "Summer!" Fall and what little of spring I would get to observe, thanks to the weather in Michigan, were my favorite seasons. Being the fair skinned, light blue eyed red head that I am - sun is not my friend. For some reason - I am in love with the outdoor life right now. Summer is slowly enticing me with it's seasonal advantages. I am sporting a new pair of sunglasses, embracing spaghetti string tee's (And no - Rachel - I will not post a pic of me in my spaghetti string tee - I haven't gotten that "comfortable" with pictures of myself yet....), looking for wonderfully trendy walking shoes and of course - always have my Ipod charged.
Anyways - I was walking to work Friday - early - embracing my love affair with the weather - when I realized I was to find out the "all important" and "critical" test results. I was in such a wonderfully warm, happy, place then I had to comfront reality. (no not work - the "results.") I instantly went from 'high on life' to 'aggggggh.' I literally was having a panic attack walking into Occ Health. No amount of sunshine or air conditioning was going to slow my breathing. Very unsettling - this panic attack. Long story short - all is well and I was back to my happy place within minutes (okay it took a little longer than that.... but you get my drift.....)
I got to thinking about how our lives are exactly that - Up and Down. I think we ALL walk a fine line of ups and downs. Those of us in stable environments with support, (whether it be friends, family, colleagues...) a purpose, and grounding - handle those ups and downs with little to no consequences. I have also, ofen thought that highly intelligent and/or productive people walk the fine line of "normalacy" and being "bipolar." (I won't even go near the ADHD subject - cause 1. YES I HAVE IT and 2. that's a whole other blog.) I know personally, I have ups and downs DAILY and I have periods of Ups and Downs weekly, monthly and sometimes bimonthly.
What separates me from "the others." And I am NOT labeling "the others" as the mentally ill, homeless, dysfunctional.... Whatever??? I just know - taking a step back, looking at my ups and downs - how I cope and fade in and out of them with little to no sequela is amazing. I am not sure what keeps me on the thin blue line. (I have not idea why it is blue - I just imagine - when someone says "she's walking a thin line - it's blue. Maybe for you it is white? Gray? Green? How about mauve????)
I do know this - the days, weeks, months... that I am not strong in my "spirtual walk" (I so hesitate to use that phrase knowing that many will mis-percieve it as the common popular secular relationship to a "higher power." In reality I mean my "relationship with Christ") the ups and downs are not as smoothly transitioned in and out of. As a matter of fact - it is at those very times I probably come very close to falling off that thin blue line. I have been working on my prayer time, bible study time and journaling the last few weeks. I have noticed a distinct difference in the fading in and out of these ups and downs. I am not sure I could have handled this past week without the little regimine I have going.
I am so not perfect - or have I mastered this art of balancing the thin blue line. I am rather embarrassed at how LITTLE my time at these activities is in relationship to the rest of my daily activities. PLEASE do not get me wrong. A month from now my entry might be more discouraging to me than encouraging that I am backsliding rather than progressing in my spiritual walk!
This I do know - I need a vacation terribly. There is a neon light flashing above my head saying "Holiday - long over due." My brain is mush, overloaded and numb. My mental state could be quantified as - the meter has run out, the vacancy sign has a "no" before it, the library has sent several past due notices and threatening to put a lean on my future cerebral fitness activities, my ADHD has dwindled to a meaningless 'daydream' or two. My physical state is screaming for "freedom" and "spontaneity."
18 more days baby.... 18 more days and we are "Down Under" and on "HOLDAY!"
Praise God - for up's and downs. Without the "Down's" we would not appreciate the "Ups" (DUH - how many times have we heard that.) AND - without the "Up's" we would not recognize that "Down's" don't last forever! That said - five more minutes of an Up is heaven, five more minutes to another up (when you are in a down) is excrutiatingly long and five more minutes without going to bed soon - may very well do me in......
B
Anyways - I was walking to work Friday - early - embracing my love affair with the weather - when I realized I was to find out the "all important" and "critical" test results. I was in such a wonderfully warm, happy, place then I had to comfront reality. (no not work - the "results.") I instantly went from 'high on life' to 'aggggggh.' I literally was having a panic attack walking into Occ Health. No amount of sunshine or air conditioning was going to slow my breathing. Very unsettling - this panic attack. Long story short - all is well and I was back to my happy place within minutes (okay it took a little longer than that.... but you get my drift.....)
I got to thinking about how our lives are exactly that - Up and Down. I think we ALL walk a fine line of ups and downs. Those of us in stable environments with support, (whether it be friends, family, colleagues...) a purpose, and grounding - handle those ups and downs with little to no consequences. I have also, ofen thought that highly intelligent and/or productive people walk the fine line of "normalacy" and being "bipolar." (I won't even go near the ADHD subject - cause 1. YES I HAVE IT and 2. that's a whole other blog.) I know personally, I have ups and downs DAILY and I have periods of Ups and Downs weekly, monthly and sometimes bimonthly.
What separates me from "the others." And I am NOT labeling "the others" as the mentally ill, homeless, dysfunctional.... Whatever??? I just know - taking a step back, looking at my ups and downs - how I cope and fade in and out of them with little to no sequela is amazing. I am not sure what keeps me on the thin blue line. (I have not idea why it is blue - I just imagine - when someone says "she's walking a thin line - it's blue. Maybe for you it is white? Gray? Green? How about mauve????)
I do know this - the days, weeks, months... that I am not strong in my "spirtual walk" (I so hesitate to use that phrase knowing that many will mis-percieve it as the common popular secular relationship to a "higher power." In reality I mean my "relationship with Christ") the ups and downs are not as smoothly transitioned in and out of. As a matter of fact - it is at those very times I probably come very close to falling off that thin blue line. I have been working on my prayer time, bible study time and journaling the last few weeks. I have noticed a distinct difference in the fading in and out of these ups and downs. I am not sure I could have handled this past week without the little regimine I have going.
I am so not perfect - or have I mastered this art of balancing the thin blue line. I am rather embarrassed at how LITTLE my time at these activities is in relationship to the rest of my daily activities. PLEASE do not get me wrong. A month from now my entry might be more discouraging to me than encouraging that I am backsliding rather than progressing in my spiritual walk!
This I do know - I need a vacation terribly. There is a neon light flashing above my head saying "Holiday - long over due." My brain is mush, overloaded and numb. My mental state could be quantified as - the meter has run out, the vacancy sign has a "no" before it, the library has sent several past due notices and threatening to put a lean on my future cerebral fitness activities, my ADHD has dwindled to a meaningless 'daydream' or two. My physical state is screaming for "freedom" and "spontaneity."
18 more days baby.... 18 more days and we are "Down Under" and on "HOLDAY!"
Praise God - for up's and downs. Without the "Down's" we would not appreciate the "Ups" (DUH - how many times have we heard that.) AND - without the "Up's" we would not recognize that "Down's" don't last forever! That said - five more minutes of an Up is heaven, five more minutes to another up (when you are in a down) is excrutiatingly long and five more minutes without going to bed soon - may very well do me in......
B
posted by B at 01:38
1 Comments:
Praise God Ups and Downs. Praise him during the Up's and PRAISE him during the Down's. I find the downs last shorter when we remember to humbly praise him during it. Here lies the problem, praising him during the down times. I seem to forget that.
AJ
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